A snake-handling preacher was bitten and killed by a rattlesnake on Saturday.
And it’s about goddamn time. With a name, occupation, and penchant for religious looney activities that can only come from Kentucky, wide-eyed Kentucky Pentecostal preacher, Jamie Coots, finally fucked around with the wrong snake and one that didn’t much cotton to his religious rantings. A rattler, an atheist snake no doubt, bit and done killed him. Finally.
Believe it or not, they actually made a reality TV show, called Snake Salvation, out of this guy dancing around with snakes while speaking in tongues and taking his own worthless life in his own hands week in and week out. Coots has been bitten eight times before during his 21 year reign of handling snakes. But on Saturday some snake had apparently had it up to here with his bullshit and bit the fuck out of him. Coots, being Pentecostal, refused medical treatment figuring god would come through for him. God, in true form, didn’t bail him out. Maybe there is a god after all.
Coots’ wife, daughter, and son will carry on his legacy and continue dancing with snakes. In fact, they’re celebrating Coots life by dancing with snakes around his corpse right now at his wake.
After they get done, assuming they, too, don’t get bit, all of them and a bunch of other in-bred, toothless pedophile family members and friends will all head to Cracker Barrel for Sunday Brunch.
…which begs the question, don’t they have anything better to do in Kentucky?
The clear answer to that is yes: