The terrorist group, ISIL, is trying different approaches to raising funds now that the U.S.-led coalition is targeting and destroying its oil refineries which have served as the groups primary money-maker.
“We plan to have more bake sales like the one we had last Saturday,” said Mustafa Ali-Baba, ISIL’s Chief of Fund Raising and Good Times.
“You wouldn’t believe how many good cooks we have in our group,” said Ali-Baba. “We have guys who make some of the best toll-house chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever had.”
“Don’t forget the brownies that Ishmal and his brothers make,” chimed in ISIL member Moobaba Ataboy.
“Oh, they’re incredible,” added Mohammad Abadabado. “They absolutely melt in your mouth.”
“Well, what I think I like best are the rice krispy treats that Ali makes, said Mustafa. “They may seem simple to make, but there’s something about them perfectly chewy on the inside and crispy on the outside.”
“You know what it is?” asked Ali coyly. “A slight touch of lemon extract.”
((Wow…that’s it? Really? Unbelievabe!))) said the gang.
“The key to a good bake sale is having lots and lots of variety and lots and lots of everything,” said Mustafa.
“And it just has to be fresh…period,” said Ishmal. If they’re not fresh people don’t like them as much.”
“We made more than $346 dollars last week. With a few more weekends like that we can maybe buy some more much-needed caliphate bumper stickers and yard signs that we’re short on.”
“And don’t forget the black flags,” added Moobaba. “We’re running short on black flags.”
“OK EVERYONE! Let’s all get a good night’s rest. Big baking day tomorrow. Yushef, you’re planning on bringing your famous peanut butter fudge, right?”
“Absolutely! I’ll be up at four and baking by 4:30. ”
“You guys are great….you know that? I know I don’t tell you that enough. I mean, all of you work so hard it just makes me, well, proud.”
“It is hard work Mustafa….almost as hard as cutting off heads,” said Mohammad pointing to a large basket in the corner of the room filled with severed heads. “But we love it.”
“You know something guys? ” said Moobaba….”when we put our heads together, we can really go places.”
“That’s what THEY said,” said Yushef pointing at the basket of heads.
“You guys trip me out, Good night fellas.”