…and on the 7th day, the lord said, “let there be hate”….and it was so.
Greetings fellow nattering nabobs of negativism. It’s the 12 Days of Hatemas….
……featuring some of the most hated people in America (according to a worldwide poll taken by southpaw staff members and polling experts) in 12 separate installments…from number 12 to number 1. This wonderful hatefest, in the spirit of the pure joy of hate during these festive times, is based on who spb believes are the most influential, loud-mouth, ugly, obstructive, mean-spirited, racist, piece-of-shit motherfuckers throughout the year 2012….and who will, no doubt, continue to be in 2013 .
Number 5: Ted Cruz
El “Pussy Face”
Paraphrasing the great Mexican General Santa Anna, circa March 1836 after overseeing the defeat of Texas in the Battle of the Alamo, “If Ted Cruz is the best we have to fucking offer in 2013, fuck…..we just wasted a lot of time and effort taking this goddamn Alamo. Texas can have it…and Latino’s can go fuck themselves.”
Naturally a few liberties were taken with history over this account (but my spb historical sources say I’m generally right). The point of all of that, of course, is U.S. Senator Elect Ted Cruz (Tx) is a pretty sorry sack of shit and not exactly a good way for Latino’s to get started on their journey towards eventual majority status in the U.S.
Why even now Cruz is famously known south of the boarder as “El Pussy Face”….or La Cara de Hili Poyas. “No me fio ni un poco en El Pussy Face,” (I don’t trust that asshole not even a little bit) said Nelson Jimenez at the Hay Caramba ! titty bar in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico.
The feeling is mutual, Nelson, believe me. In fact, I don’t think there’s anyone in this year’s Hatemas poll…or even in America…or even in the WORLD that I hate, at the moment, as much as Ted Cruz. And here’s the kicker: he’s not even in the goddamn Senate yet!!!! Imagine how I’ll feel about this douchebag two years from now. By all indications based on the things I’ve heard Cruz say just in the run up to his Senate bid in Texas, I can tell you that he’s the slimiest, greasiest, nastiest, pastiest, creepiest piece of shit to come to Congress since Tom Delay (and naturally they are both from Texas). And just as naturally Cruz was a product of the teabagging recruiting machine of Senator Jim DeMint (soon to head the ultra right wing Heritage Foundation). But here’s another kicker: Cruz is SO conservative, he will make DeMint look like Barney Frank. In fact (and you heard it here first)…Cruz promises to be the most conservative member in the history of the U.S. Congress which, when you think about Joe McCarthy, Jesse Helms, and others…is saying a mouthful. In fact, when it comes to guys like Cruz, we have to stop using the word “conservative.” With him, we have to start using descriptions, most often applied to Michele Bachmann and Sharon Angle, like “Batshit Crazy”, “off the reservation,” loony tunes, and nucking futz.
SHE likes him…..’nuff said
…which brings me to why I picked Cruz as #5 to begin with. This guy (and to a lesser extent Hatemas honorable mention selectee, Marco Rubio), is emblematic of what promises to be a new wave of (((barely))) Latino, ultra neocons clandestinely recruited by the most cynical and nastiest extremist elements of the Republican party who think that by doing so, they can cut into and capture some of the ever-growing Latino vote in America without changing a goddamn thing about their xenophobic philosophy simply by getting certifiable half-wits like Cruz cause they have a vowel or a “z” at their end of their name. Of course, guys like DeMint, Matt Kibbe, and Dick Armey are assuming there are lots of right wing Latino voters waiting in the wings and ready to pee themselves over the likes of Cruz.
But their assumption is wrong just like everything else tea party people have forecast will take place over time. Cruz is the Latino version of Herman Cain who likely hates his own ethnicity as much as Cain hates his. Cruz cut his teeth clerking for the late Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, William Rehnquist. In 2000, he worked for the George W. Bush for President campaign. He has pledged to “eliminate the U.S. Department of Education” which would end federal aid to college students. Of Cruz’s eight oral arguments as Texas Solicitor General on behalf of Texas before the Supreme Court, five involved the death penalty, with Cruz arguing, at various points, that Texas should be allowed to execute the mentally ill, a Mexican national who hadn’t been informed of his Vienna Convention right to speak to his consulate, and a man who raped his stepdaughter.
Other cases he took on reflected his conservative Christian ideology. On his campaign website, he touts successfully defending the inclusion of the term “under God” in the Texas Pledge of Allegiance and a Ten Commandments monument on the grounds of the state Capitol. He notes that he fought in the courts to protect a Bible display installed on public property.
In his run up for the Republican nomination for U.S. Senator from Texas, Cruz was endorsed by David Barton, founder and President of “WallBuilders.” With a name like that, wonder what THAT organization supports? So, imagine Cruz…..an Hispanic….a resident of Texas, being supported by a group called WallBuilders….and being supported by Latinos from one end of the state to another….particularly those from boarder areas of the state like El Paso.
David Barton of “Wallbuilders” wearing a sharp outfit
But what I’m worried about is the immediate future. With the success of teabaggers like Cruz who, make no mistake about it, received the vast majority of his support from crazy Texas white people who love seeing someone with an Hispanic name who thinks like them, there may be other spawns like him in other ultra conservative parts of the U.S. like Florida, Nevada, Arizona….even Georgia. At least in the short term, this gives off the impression that Latino’s have gone all right wing on us from coast to coast. Of course nothing could be further from the truth but perceptions can be powerful as well as emboldening.
The good news is, once word widely gets out (if it’s not out already) that Cruz cares less about Latinos than Augusto Pinochet cared about Chileans during his hay day, I suspect his days will be numbered. Not because Texas is suddenly going to go all liberal on us but because its demographics are changing quicker than just about any place this side of Arizona. And you better believe Latinos already have a pretty firm grasp on Cruz’s number. Lest I remind you, he’s supported by a group call “Wallbuilders.” It won’t be long until someone with an “o”, or an “a”, or a “z” at the end of his or her name is residing in the Governor’s mansion in Austin. Believe me…..if it’s a “Cruz,” it won’t be Ted.
With all the promise and hope the Latino culture will continue to bring to America in politics, business, and entertainment as they become more and more of a predominant force in this nation, I can’t think of a worse member of its heritage to “represent” them than the likes of Ted Cruz. The quicker he is run out of D.C. specifically and American politics in general on a rail the better.
On the other hand, I can’t think of anyone who I’m more proud to have than Ted Cruz as this year’s number 5 of The 12 Days of Hatemas.