It didn’t take long for retired Pope Benedict to find his next career as he just signed a contract with a NYC comedy club to perform 104 shows over the next two years.
“Fuck it….I’m as happy as a two-peckered billy goat surrounded by a bunch of horny ewe,” laughed a shit-faced pope who went on a drinking binge right after signing his contract with “The Comedy Cellar” located at 117 MacDougal St. in NYC which reportedly will net him about five million dollars.
Long known as the Vatican’s King of Crude Comedy, the ex-Pope, whose real name is Joseph Ratzinger, will perform as Joey Rat-a-Tat-Tat-Zinger because of his high speed delivery of one-liners.
Last night was Joe Rat-A-Tat-Tat-Zinger’s first show at “The Comedy Cellar” before a packed house of people who paid as much as $500 for a ticket to see the former Pontiff turned funny man. Luckily SPB was able to catch the show and, with permission from The Comedy Cellar, presents part of it below:
“Well now…..what a fucked up looking audience!!!”
“If my fucking shit-eating dog was as ugly as most of you….why I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards!”
((((HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR)))!!!!!!
“Good evening ladies and germs…..I’d love to say it’s nice to see all of you mother fuckers…..but I’d BE LYING!!!”
“Say, how do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy!!!
“What do priests and McDonald’s have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns!!!!!”
“What do you get when you dress like an altar boy and meet the priest? A holy fuck!!”
“What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!!!”
(((HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH ROFALMAOHAR HAR HAR HAR))))!!”
“Do any of you assholes know the name of the generic form of Viagra? Mycoxaflopin!!!!”
“Say, here’s a good one: what happens when you get the Viagra computer virus? It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk!!”
(((HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR)))))!!!!”
Heckler: “Hey Pope Rat-a-Tat….YOU FUCKING SUCK!!”
“Hey a heckler ! Hey buddy….PONTIFF THIS!!!!” says Rat-A-Tat grabbing his balls.
If you would like to see the hottest show in America good luck getting tickets. All 104 shows are already sold out said a spokesperson for The Comedy Cellar. “Seems everyone wants to see this funny mother fucker.”