Tag Archives: George Zimmerman

I Wouldn’t Want to be in His Shoes

Welcome to this week’s edition of I Wouldn’t Want to be in His Shoes, a weekly profile on someone who, this week, this year, or perhaps for all eternity, no one would want to trade places with for all the money and fame, or infamy, in the world.

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This week we’re on location on the Washington D.C. Mall in front of the Lincoln Memorial as ten’s of thousands of people are here as well to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s I Have a Dream speech made on this very spot in 1963.

KING

Without further ado, our unanimous selection for this edition of I Wouldn’t Want to be in His Shoes is George Zimmerman, the Florida neighborhood watch guy who killed teenager Trayvon Martin in cold blood and recently was found not guilty….which is why we are here, at this special place, for this momentous occasion. All indicators point to Zimmerman now being intrinsically linked to the most iconic leader in American history….and not linked in a good way but as the poster boy for everything that has NOT made The Dream a dream at all….but a nightmare.

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All around us, in the midst of a celebratory mood, we see signs of Zimmerman. There are people everywhere wearing Zimmerman t-shirts with a big, red Ghostbusters slash through his face.  There are vendors selling by the thousands everything from mini dartboards with Zimmerman’s picture as the bulls eye, to rolls of toilet paper with his picture on every sheet.

Joining me are five experts on infamy to discuss who in hell would want to be in George Zimmerman’s shoes.  Please welcome Jeff Dahmer, Adolf Hitler, Ted Bundy, Judas, and George W. Bush.  Gentleman let me quickly go around the table and ask each of you, if you could trade your infamous, criminal, and genocidal lives and your infamous place in history right now with George Zimmerman, would you do it?

Hitler:  “No.”

Dahmer:  “No.”

Bundy: “No.”

GWB:  “No.”

Judas: “No.”

Well then, it seems unanimous.  None of you would want to be in George Zimmerman’s shoes.  Can you elaborate?  Adolf….you first.

adolf-hitler

Hitler:  “Well, sure I may have been responsible for the near annihilation of an entire race of people….but then I got mine.  Cyanide, a bullet, a fire, and now hell. If I had gotten away and Mossad was hunting down my ass we might be having a different conversation right now. But as it stands, I would not be him for anything.”

Ted Bundy:  “Adolf is right. It’s okay if I call you Adolf…right?”

Hitler:  “Sure, you can even call me Adi if you want.”

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Ted Bundy

Bundy:  “What Adi says is true.  Take me for example. I may have brutally killed countless women in Washington and Florida but Zimmerman is now so associated with icons has become an icon himself. The way people are feeling right now, he may as well have mowed down Rosa Parks. Besides, he is an ugly son of a bitch. Even his own mother thinks he is a screaming pussy.”

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Bush:  “I have to agree.  Infamy is relative in my opinion….at least when it comes to me.  In a few years stupid Americans will have totally forgotten that I waged an illegal war that ended up bankrupting the U.S. and killing tens of thousands of people. At least I’ll never be linked to anyone famous or iconic.  I mean, how would you like it if every time Dr. King’s name or anniversary or something came up someone linked YOUR name to it as well….and not in a GOOD way.”

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Jeff Dahmer

Dahmer: “I wouldn’t like it….that’s for sure.  Personally I’d rather be dead. Well, I AM dead….but that’s a subject for another day.  The point is, no one even knows who I am anymore in spite of the fact that I committed some of the most heinous crimes in American history.  It’s one thing to rape, kill, dismember, and eat teenage boys by the dozens but at least my name is not George Zimmerman.”

“What about you Judas?   You certainly could be accused of being associated with fucking over someone iconic, right?”

Judas:  “Well if I knew then what I know now, that Jesus was going to be so famous and revered, maybe I wouldn’t have been so quick to fuck him over.  On the other hand, who knew?   Back then Jesus was nothing but a fucking bum.  I was just giving up a bum….that’s all.   Least that’s the way I see it.”

And there you have it from the experts on infamy.  There’s a consensus that the worst person to be now, and perhaps ever, is George Zimmerman.  From this point forward, whenever the name of iconic figure Dr. King is broached everyone will automatically think of the disgusting fat, pudgy figure of George Zimmerman…much like they think of genocide with Hitler, serial killer with Bundy, cannibalism with Dahmer, and stupid with George W. Bush.

George Zimmerman

Gentleman, thank you for being with us.  And thank YOU, our viewers, for tuning into to another edition of I Wouldn’t Want to be in His Shoes.

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A Justifiable Use of Deadly Racism

by gordita

Folks, here are the “Stand Your Ground” instructions given to the jury in the Zimmerman case.  The words in brackets were not spoken by the court but you can bet your right arm they were heard by the jury.

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Ladies of the Jury, I am now going to give you instructions regarding self-defense.  It is a defense to second-degree murder and manslaughter if the death of Trayvon Martin resulted from a justifiable use of deadly force.

A [non-black] person is justified in using deadly force if he reasonably believes that such force is necessary to prevent imminent death or great bodily harm to himself [by a black person]. [Believe me, you will not be asked to find that a black man was justified in killing a white because everyone knows that in a Stand Your Ground state that pig won’t fly.]

In deciding whether George Zimmerman was justified in the use of deadly force, you must judge him by the circumstances by which he was surrounded at the time the force was used [such as the race of persons suspected of committing burglaries in the area]. The danger facing George Zimmerman need not have been actual [and we all know it was not actual until Zimmerman followed Trayvon Martin and scared the crap out of him]; however, to justify the use of deadly force, the appearance of danger [such as the appearance of danger when a person is young, black, male and scared sh*tless] must have been so real that a reasonably cautious and prudent [racist cracker from Florida] under the same circumstances would have believed that the danger [from an agitated black man] could be avoided only through [killing his ass]. Based upon appearances, George Zimmerman must have actually believed [and the more racist he isthe more powerful his belief would be] that the danger [of a spooked black man being hunted down in a white neighborhood] was real. If George Zimmerman was not engaged in an unlawful activity [and accosting people for being black is clearly not illegal, ask the NYPD] and was attacked in any place where he had a right to be [and don’t consider whether the victim also had a right to be where he was], he had no duty to retreat [stalking is absolutely permitted!] and had the right to stand his ground [get in the other guy’s face] and meet force with force, including [blowing Trayvon Martin away] if he reasonably believed [being the racist that he is] that it was necessary to do so to prevent death or [to avoid being bitch-slapped by a terrified unarmed black boy].

In considering the issue of self defense you may take into consideration the relative physical abilities and capabilities of George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin [including the fact that Zimmerman has a big fat ass and needs a gun to even the playing field against what he perceived to be a nimble hoodie who had probably been shooting hoops near some dope-riddled public housing project since he was about three years old].

If in your consideration of the issue of self-defense you have a reasonable doubt on the question of whether [as an out-of-shape white woman you would be afraid if you saw a young black male roaming your neighborhood] you should find George Zimmerman not guilty [because projecting your fears onto him is completely appropriate given the big screaming gun-toting pussy that he is].

George Zimmerman Stands His Ground

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George is back in business taking care of “it”

Trayvon Martin killer George Zimmerman, who stood his ground in a court of law and was found not guilty yesterday, says he hopes to be to standing his ground and killing teenagers, preferably black assholes who always get away with it, by next weekend.

“I’ve got some things to take care of first,” says Zimmerman.  “My refrigerator is practically empty, my apartment hasn’t been cleaned for more than a year, and I have to get some scratch together so I can go down to my favorite gun shop and pick some ammo.  But I think I should be able to have all that taken care of by Friday so I can be out and about in the neighborhood stalking black teenage assholes who always get away with it by around 11 p.m. Friday.”

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One less black teenage asshole we have to worry about getting away with “it”

Since Zimmerman’s murder of Martin in February of last year, Florida law has slightly adjusted its Stand Your Ground law reducing the amount of time by 15 minutes that Neighborhood Watch ground-standers may stalk black teenage assholes  thus reducing the chance of the black teenage assholes turning on them because they’re afraid for their lives.

“We reduced the allowed stalking time from two hours and 15 minutes to just two hours,” said Florida state senator, Whitey Crackerson.  “This may make it more challenging for Neighborhood Watch guys like George Zimmerman to ultimately kill unarmed black teenage assholes, but hopefully with a little resourcefulness and more judicious use of time, thoughtful vigilantes like Zimmerman can still  get the job done.”

From his perspective, Zimmerman said he hopes the change in the law won’t make that big of a difference.

“I still hope to have reached my goal of bagging 12 black teenage assholes who always get away with it by the end of the year,” said Zimmerman.

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They now have 15 minutes less to get away with “it”

Asked to define what it is in regards to “getting away with it,” Zimmerman said, “it depends on what the definition of it is.”

“They just keep getting away with it,” said Zimmerman.  “It can be any number of things.  But the important thing is, this non-guilty verdict should show that people, particularly black teenage assholes who always get away with it, should not be able to get away with it.”

What’s next for Zimmerman?

“I plan to write a book and then go on a speaking tour to speak out against  it and how much people, particularly black teenage assholes, should not be getting away with it.”

The title is tentatively called “It is It and It’s Gotta Stop Especially if Black Teenage Assholes Who are Getting  Away With It are Still Getting Away With It.”

As far as the nation is concerned, this verdict could have wide-ranging implications depending, of course, on what the definition of it is.

“Those implications could affect the outcome on cases going back 50 years,” said “Killer of People Doing It” historian, Dr. Lar G. Rection.  “The Zimmerman case could exonerate James Earl Ray who killed Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for doing it,” he said.  “And we all know those three civil rights workers in Mississippi in 1964 were doing it.  Thus, it’s very possible the white, fat, redneck racists who killed them did so justifiably.  Medger Evers was doing it and Emmett Till was doing it,” said Dr. Rection.  “We can’t strictly say that the killers were Stand Your Ground heroes like Zimmerman because the Stand Your Ground law did not exist yet but if we re-examine the evidence we may find that all of the victims had Skittles and ice tea the night they died.”

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Two white and one black teenage assholes who didn’t get away with “it”

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Free at last, free at last…thank God almighty they’re free at last

When reminded that Skittles didn’t exist in the 60’s when all of those people were murdered, Dr. Rection said, “it has yet to be determined what the victims had and when they had it. And I have to add that murder is a very judgmental word.”

“We just need to go back and look at these cases and see if we can’t get to the bottom of it so we can find all of these killers not guilty,” he added.

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No telling if Dr. King was doing “it” which is what James Earl Ray was trying say from the get-go.