Tag Archives: Easter

Don’t worry…..God’s got it….

jesus-resurrection

…so where the fuck is he then?  That’s what everyone would like to know.

Here we are on the cusp of yet another Easter when this motherfucker is supposed to show.  And for about the 10 thousandth year in a row, it looks like he’s gonna be a no show…AGAIN!!

FUCK!!!!!!

The world, especially the U.S., is going to hell in a handbasket with queers marrying queers, an illegal alien President trying to take all of our guns away, Mexicans taking over everything as far as the eye can see, and the “Christ” being taken right the fuck out of Christmas.  And nobody’s doing a goddamn thing about it.

man-praying

Year after year, all the prayer in the world….

“When you need him most he just won’t show the fuck up and we’ve been waiting around for this guy to show forever” said Willie-Buster Cherry of Crotchrot, Mississippi.

woman praying silhoutte

….don’t seem to do…..

“Crawdads are scarce….ain’t been a goddamn good catfish crop in more than two years in the lake over yonder, prices are going up at Wal-Mart everyday….and niggers and Mexican’s are taking over EVERYTHING!  Queers are getting married!! Where’s God when you need him…that’s what I’d like to know,” added a thoughtful Cherry.

...no good

…any good

People all over the place, particularly in the deep southern part of the U.S., have had it up to here waiting for God to make a return appearance to earth and a lot of people are beginning to ask their elected representatives to do something about it.

“I’m sick of waiting,” said Claude Balls also of Crotchrot.  “All my life, my father’s life, my grandfather’s life, my great grandfather’s life, my great grandfather’s life, they’ve been telling us that God is coming back and we wait and wait and wait and nothing….and we’re all getting fucking sick of it.  We’re even starting to think he’s not coming at all.”

redneck_mentor

Frustrated by yet another God no-show, Willie Buster Cherry and Claude Balls of Mississippi do what they do best…..relax

“We’re pretty patient people down here in Mississippi but what the fuck does it take?” said Cherry. “I’m nearly 70 and I’m sick and disabled and I’m starting to wonder if I’m even gonna be around when God shows up.  Every single Sunday Preacher keeps telling us that God is coming…God is coming.  We put all this money in the collection plate thinking he’s coming….and then he just don’t come.”

“So you DO think he’s gonna show up…..but you just think it’s a question of when?”

“Exactly.  Of course we all know God’s coming sooner or later….but we would just like to know when! If someone says they’re gonna do something, down here in Mississippi we take a man at his word.”

“Why…..sometimes I begin to wonder whether or not he….”

“…exists at all?” I said finishing the inbred cracker’s sentence for him.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!?!?!?!?!?!?! Of COURSE NOT!! I was gonna say……whether or not God is not coming because he’s pissed at us for being the sinners we are.”

“So you think God is just pissed and disgusted by queers getting married and Mexican’s taking over everything?’

“We figure that’s gotta be the reason…..least wise, that’s what Preacher says on Sunday.  And he says it’s important for all of us to give as much as we can to the collection plate each Sunday so we can help God to change things once he does come. But I’m beginning to  wonder where all that money me and everyone else is giving the preacher each Sunday is going cause every year God don’t show up for this resurrection thing on Easter.”

We here at Southpaw Beagle wish, too, that God would show up already and fix things and end this silly notion that some people are spreading that all religion is a farce, preachers, priests, rabbis, and all the rest of the people who preach the word of God are carpetbaggers, pedophiles, perverts, degenerates, and liars, who exist because stupid fucking Americans continue to believe in a myth in the sky, and the U.S. is really just a den of debauchery and deceit with no redeeming qualities.  Because of course we know that can’t be true.

religious-easter-clip-art_1364139395

Happy fucking Easter.

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