Tag Archives: Antonin Scalia

Scalia Considers Forming Charity Called Goats.Org

by gordita

As gay marriage becomes increasingly accepted by Americans, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has experienced a profound and unsettling loosening of his moral prohibitions.


Speaking to students at John Marshall School of Law, Scalia revealed that same-sex marriage has caused him to doubt that there is any such thing as “right” and “wrong.”

“There are all sorts of things I have wanted to do for a long time…things I used to think were categorically wrong. But not any more. Now I keep thinking I would like to stick a deer knife in Sotomayor’s belly and and for the life of me, I can’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t.”


Sitting in the audience, I raise my hand. “Um, Justice Scalia,” I venture, “my name is gordita. Could you please elaborate further on your implicit argument that there is no moral difference between the love that gay people have for each other and the cruel and depraved act of a murder?”

“Nothing is off limits in a world that recognizes gay love, gordita. Nothing.”

“It seems to me, Justice Scalia, that you are using reductio ad absurdum and taking it to absurd lengths. Surely you see that there is a difference between something like marriage which produces happiness and something like murder which produces suffering.”

“God suffers when humans violate his laws. Whether it’s gay marriage or murder, God suffers the same.”

“Ahh.  I get it.  You are the divine scourge…the wrath of God upon the world.”

“Yes, as a matter of fact I  am.”

“Which is why you gave us Bush as a president.”



“And why you have done your best to hand our elections over to the highest bidder.”



Going once…going twice

“And why you ruled against Lilly Ledbetter.”



“And why you aspire to being the cruelest Supreme Court Justice in the history of the United States.”



I love the taste of cruelty

“So let me ask you something, Justice Scalia.”


“Why shouldn’t we impeach you?”

“On what ground, you silly cow?”

“On the ground that God has scourged enough. On the ground that our human failings cause enough suffering without an additional overlay of divine (in)justice. On the ground that all love is imperfect but we strive for it anyway because the alternative is misery and barbarism.”

“So you think love is something we can use, rather than God’s laws, to demarcate moral boundaries?”

“Yes, I do.”

“If what you are saying about love is true, what would keep me from setting up an escort service with goats and sheep? You know…as companions for a love-filled weekend? Or how about we set up a charity called goats.org where people can buy love goats for lonely men in third world countries?”

“What is missing in your moral sense that makes it impossible for you to tell the difference between consensual and non-consensual acts, Justice Scalia? How does consensual gay sex give you the right to rape an animal?”

Heiffer.org gives animals to poor people to be eaten. The animal has no say in it. If you’re okay with that you should be okay with goats.org.”

The gift of a sheep to help stop world hunger

Outside of Scalia’s universe, the gift of a sheep helps stop world hunger

“Maybe for consistency, we should strive to be vegetarians, Your Honor. But putting that aside, you have just used reason to negate a deeply-felt, universally-appreciated moral distinction between consensual acts of love and non-consensual acts of violence. Why would you want to use your powers of rational thought for such a destructive purpose?”



Justice Scalia…speaking truth to power…his power

“Spoken like a man whose desire for control knows no bounds.”

“Judicial restraint died with traditional marriage. Now I’m the king of the whole world. You hear that? THE KING OF THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD.”

“I gathered as much from Bush v. Gore and Citizens United.”

“Then fucking get over it.”

[Editor’s Note: If you do not already know about Heifer International, give it a look. It’s a wonderful charity based on the principal of “Give not a cup, but a cow.”]


The 12 Days of Hatemas….#2

Lord, are we almost there?

Twas the night before Hatemas when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Hateholas soon would be there.

Seasons Greetings fellow merchants of disdain, contempt, and scorn for the American scum of the earth !! Yuletides of hate reach out and pull on my heartstrings causing my heart to burst with the joy and the spirit of hate. Like Jolly Saint Nick, let me spread gifts of hate throughout the lands….

…which brings us to #2…(yes, another tie….so many to hate, so little time):  Newt Gingrich, Ken Cuccinelli, Antonin Scalia.

If there’s a Hell, there’s a special place in it for him

Newt Gingrich, Former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives and overall dirtbag:

He is, was, and always will be the sleaziest politician, and perhaps human being, in American modern times. How he has been allowed to morph into a “Sunday morning talk-show” pundit who is paid any regard at all much less a lot of it is one America’s great mysteries.  He would glad-hand and/or stab anyone in the back to get ahead.  He is also one of the world’s greatest hypocrites on both family values and serving one’s country.  As America’s #1 chickenhawk, Dick Cheney notwithstanding,  he has always supported war and spilling others blood in foreign lands yet dodged the draft during Vietnam.  He’s one of the most disgusting serial adulterers and abusers of women in the history of politics yet went after Bill Clinton like a moralistic banshee during the sordid and pointless trials of Monica Lewinsky.  He’s a deadbeat dad and one of our greatest whores to corporate campaign contributions.  If there will be a single greatest beneficiary of the heinous Supreme Court decision, “Citizens United,” it shall be Newt Gingrich.  He is emblematic of all that is wrong with America…particularly in its most recent history.  And as long as he is around what’s left of our sacred rights and civil liberties are in absolute jeopardy.  I would write more, but you get the drift….and thinking of Newt Gingrich makes me  physically ill.

Wide-eyed and bushy-tailed….and an aspiring leader of a modern-day Gestapo

Ken Cuccinelli, Attorney General of Virginia:

Some in America have been on Joe McCarthy watch since, well, Joe McCarthy wondering when the next one would  come around to slime us.  It nearly became  Ken Starr…..but he was too much of a pussy to have “gone the distance” despite his best (pussy) efforts.  Cuccinelli, on the other hand, is anything but a pussy.  No, this guy is a first-class motherfucker to the nth degree.   So, I think the second coming of Joe McCarthy has landed and he just happens to be the Attorney General of Virginia, Ken Cuccinelli.

Cuccinelli has only been in office since January, but he’s already demonstrated that Virginians accidentally elected a crazy person. First, it was routine gay-hating.  Now it’s Birtherism and grand paranoia.  I mean, Virginia is hardly a blue state (despite barely going Obama’s way in ’08).  But the Old Dominion is hardly South Carolina, Alabama, or Texas either…..and Cuccinelli is most DEFINITELY South Carolina material.  He fact, he may be the only guy who is actually right of Jim DeMint (a hard thing to be, indeed, since the next thing right of Jim DeMint is widely considered to be Adolf Hitler).  Cuccinelli is, without question (and please read my lips), WITHOUT QUESTION the up and coming most dangerous man in America…..and so much so, I nearly made him #1.  You know how it seems that every generation some fucking nutbag crusader  (usually from the south), wanting to make a name for him or herself, seems to come out of nowhere to take on some moralistic cause dragging the rest of America with him or her?  Remember in the 70’s when a crusading prosecutor from Memphis named Larry Parrish went after the “hardcore” movie Deep Throat” (now considered tame by comparison with today’s “skin flicks”) with such a vengeance, one would have thought that Deep Throat was the most egregious violation of moral sanctity in human history instead of a silly and cheaply-made now considered “soft core” movie with as little artistic value as its portrayal of an “artist” who could supposedly give the world’s perfect blow job (not to give anything away here, but she had a clitoris in her throat….as legend would have it…instead of, err, where it was supposed to be). Long story short, Parrish was relentless in his crusading prosecution of anyone and everyone who had ever had a hand in this movie.   He ruined the fledgling “career” of “Harry Reems driving the guy out of the business and into the poor house in his efforts to send him to prison.  Parrish became the quintessential poster child for frivolous crusades….but for certain, he had Christian America behind him every step of the way.

Cuccinelli is Parrish on a quadruple dose of steroids.  Since he took office in January 2010 his primary mission has been to do everything in his power to dismantle the President’s new health care reform.  He has, on behalf of the state of Virginia (much to the chagrin of many of its residents to include yours truly), sued the Federal Government to stop it.  Eventually it WILL wind up in the Supreme Court….and we all know how THAT’S going to turn out. Why? You would never get him to admit it but Ken just has a problem with the fact that  limited health care reform that, at the very least, is marginally better than what we have now, was the product of a black man.  Why?  Because Virginia, my friends, has a crazed birther racist as its A.G.  Besides being a birther, he believes Global Warming is a myth and is viscerally against any environmental efforts in this or any other country.


On July 14, 2010, Cuccinelli joined eight other states in filing an amicus brief opposing the federal government’s lawsuit challenging an Arizona immigration enforcement statute.  On August 2, 2010, Cuccinelli issued a legal opinion authorizing law enforcement officials to investigate the immigration status of anyone that they have stopped.

Gay rights

On March 4, 2010, barely two months into his office as state A.G.,  Cuccinelli issued a letter to Virginia’s public colleges and universities that said, in part, “It is my advice that the law and public policy of the Commonwealth of Virginia prohibit a college or university from including ‘sexual orientation,’ ‘gender identity,’ ‘gender expression,’ or like classification as a protected class within its non-discrimination policy absent specific authorization from the General Assembly.”

Environmental policies

On February 2010, Cuccinelli sought federal judicial review of the EPA’s  ruling that greenhouse gases harm human beings by causing global warming. His press statement explained, “We cannot allow unelected bureaucrats with political agendas to use falsified data to regulate American industry and drive our economy into the ground.”

The business end of a buggy whip awaits ye backside oh crazed one

Ken Cuccinelli is close to being the most dangerous man in America.  He may be under the radar now, but before long people from coast to coast will have heard of him….and not in a good way.  The people of my state elected him….and that’s something I and many others have to live with.  Let’s just hope that we collectively find our way before we elect him as Governor when he decides to run in 2013.  Otherwise, god have mercy on our souls.

Oh for the want of an Italian meatball that goes down the wrong way and just can’t be dislodged….

Supreme Court “Justice” Antonin Scalia:

Last but certainly not least.  Now the longest-serving justice on the Court (hard to believe huh?), Scalia is the Senior Associate Justice. Appointed to the Court by Ronald Reagan in 1986, Scalia has been described as the intellectual anchor of the Court’s conservative wing.  And he is  evil incarnate.

Scalia is considered the Court’s leading proponent of “originalism.” This is a legal philosophy whereby the proponent attempts to locate the most archaic elements of the founding fathers’ political views, magnify them, and disingenuously use them as a pretext for perpetuating views that invariably set our country back a generation if not further in an effort to appease his crazed, Roman Catholic ideology.  The phrase “I am an originalist,” is synonymous with “I am a racist, but I’m too much of a pussy to just come out and say it because I went to college.”

Scalia and other “originalists” are terrified by the idea of change. They are especially horrified by the realization that each successive generation hates blacks and gay people less and less. Realizing the consequences of this, they have devised a legal philosophy to enshrine their bigotry into law so it can live on even after the “originalists” have gone.  And he and his  Supreme Court posse will do everything to set America back to the days that fit their personal ideology…nothing more, nothing less.  And since America allowed them to be placed on our nation’s highest court to begin with, and since he and  they shall be around for a long, long time, the rest of us common Americans are just along for the ride.  “Citizens United” simply represents the first volley.  There’s more where that came from…..much, much more I’m afraid.  And America will blissfully go on with life none the wiser …so long as there’s a Wal-Mart around every corner.  Fiddlin’ while Rome burns indeed.

….as dangerous and hated as Gingrich, Cuccinelli, and Scalia are, there is but one more even more dangerous….and he/she/it shall be # 1….of “The 12 Days of Hatemas.”