Tag Archives: Anthony Weiner

Weiner’s Weiner Seeks Redress

by gordita

A week after another sexting partner, Sydney Leathers, came forward with allegations against former Congressman Anthony Weiner, Weiner’s weiner has filed a complaint with the Fair Labor Standards Board asking to be paid for time he put in during his boss’ phone sex with twenty-something-year-olds across America. “And that doesn’t even touch on my right to be paid for my image being displayed to millions of people across the internet,” says Weiner’s weiner. “I mean, didn’t the chicks in Girls Gone Wild win some sort of lawsuit because they did not sign a release?”

It seemed like a great idea at the time.

It seemed like a great idea at the time.

Former Congressman Weiner maintains that his weiner’s charges are “complete bullsh*t.” “My weiner was a willing volunteer. At no time was there an employer-employee relationship.”

“The hell I was!” said Weiner’s weiner when I repeated Weiner’s allegations that he was a volunteer. “I only volunteered because Weiner said he was going to set up a pad for me and about ten women to get together and do the dirty. But then all he did was get on the phone and beat me like I owed him money. Jesus! I can’t believe I stood for it!”

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I was promised this….

And I got this.

And I got this.

When asked how much back pay he was demanding, Weiner’s weiner said the sum was somewhere in the high five figures including overtime.

“High five figures! That is a lot of money!”

“Yeah, well. Not to brag but I  could have done adult film gigs and earned more money that Croesus.”

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Rising star

When asked to comment on Weiner’s weiner’s FLSA complaint, Ms. Leathers was sympathetic. “We both got stiffed big time. Both of us were promised a hook-up in Chicago. Plus, I was promised a condo and a cool job at Politico.  All I ended up getting was a lot of gasping choking noises over a phone line. Yuck. What a turn-off.”

“You feel you were victimized, Ms. Leathers?”

“F*ck yeah. But before we go any further, let me do a shout-out to Huma.  I AM A GOOD PERSON, REALLY AND TRULY! IT WAS JUST A VERY VULNERABLE TIME FOR ME! MAYBE WE CAN GET TOGETHER SOME TIME!”

“How exactly were you a victim, Ms. Leathers?”

“Hold on a second, gordita. LARRY FLYNT IF YOU ARE READING THIS, ARE YOU STILL OFFERING A MILLION DOLLARS TO ANYONE WHO TURNS IN A POLITICIAN?  IF NOT, I’LL BE HAPPY TO DO WHATEVER!”

“It sounds like Ms. Leathers has big plans, Weiner’s weiner. Is there anything new on the horizon for you?”

“Frankly, gordita, all I care about right now is getting some dough.”

“Any chance that the Congressman will be able to move on with his life?”

Not a chance, gordita. The press will never stop flogging Weiner.”

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