The American Legislative Exchange Counsel (ALEC) believes it has scored a big victory for sportsmen everywhere after a Florida jury’s return of a “Not Guilty” verdict in the trial of Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman.
ALEC , a corporate sponsored organization that writes legislation and works with legislators to get it passed, wrote Florida’s Stand Your Ground law. At a victory party on Sunday night, ALEC’s president, Kilmore Bucks, explained the significance of Zimmerman’s acquittal.
“It used to be that ordinary suburban folk like Zimmerman had to be content with shooting cans with BB guns in their back yard. Now they can hunt and kill Afri-cans right out in the open.”
“Do you have any idea how big a deal this is for hunters? I mean…how many of us can go to a remote place like N*ggerhead when we need to shoot something? Most of us have to go to work at our job in the city the next morning, for Crissakes.”
I am swirling a glass of Chardonnay with a horrified look on my face while I listen to this capullo. He blathers on.
“With the Zimmerman verdict, ALEC can now proudly take credit for opening up vast new suburban hunting areas for American sportsmen. And sportswomen too. We do not discriminate on the basis of gender. No sirree.”
I take a gulp of wine “I am not sure I am following you, Mr. Bucks. You’re joking, right?”
“I am not sure I am following you, Kilmore.”
“Well, I am not the one you need to follow, little lady. The people you should be following are outside this room, if you catch my drift.”
I look around me. I am the brownest person at the party.
“Jesus Christ, Kilmore! What is ALEC??? The KKK?????”
“Tchh tchh, gordita. You just don’t get it, do you?”
“No, I don’t!!!!! Explain it to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“There is nothing to explain, gordita. We at ALEC are the Republican Party leadership and George Zimmerman is our base. If someone in our base wants to pop an Afri-can, we’re here to say, Freedom rocks!”
“Freedom rocks????? You call what Zimmerman did freedom? And what about women’s freedom, pindejo? ALEC is in bed with the AUL which is drafting all the anti-choice laws being pushed through state legislatures right now!”
“How good is the hunting if the herd is depleted?”
Madre de Dios! I start to back away. I am looking for a clear path to the exit. It feels like firecrackers are going off in my chest. I am not sure I will make it out of this party alive.
“Relax,” says Kilmore. An easy grin spreads across his face. “You’re a doe. We keep you around to buy the face cream and baby diapers.”