Trayvon Martin killer George Zimmerman, who stood his ground in a court of law and was found not guilty yesterday, says he hopes to be to standing his ground and killing teenagers, preferably black assholes who always get away with it, by next weekend.
“I’ve got some things to take care of first,” says Zimmerman. “My refrigerator is practically empty, my apartment hasn’t been cleaned for more than a year, and I have to get some scratch together so I can go down to my favorite gun shop and pick some ammo. But I think I should be able to have all that taken care of by Friday so I can be out and about in the neighborhood stalking black teenage assholes who always get away with it by around 11 p.m. Friday.”
Since Zimmerman’s murder of Martin in February of last year, Florida law has slightly adjusted its Stand Your Ground law reducing the amount of time by 15 minutes that Neighborhood Watch ground-standers may stalk black teenage assholes thus reducing the chance of the black teenage assholes turning on them because they’re afraid for their lives.
“We reduced the allowed stalking time from two hours and 15 minutes to just two hours,” said Florida state senator, Whitey Crackerson. “This may make it more challenging for Neighborhood Watch guys like George Zimmerman to ultimately kill unarmed black teenage assholes, but hopefully with a little resourcefulness and more judicious use of time, thoughtful vigilantes like Zimmerman can still get the job done.”
From his perspective, Zimmerman said he hopes the change in the law won’t make that big of a difference.
“I still hope to have reached my goal of bagging 12 black teenage assholes who always get away with it by the end of the year,” said Zimmerman.
Asked to define what it is in regards to “getting away with it,” Zimmerman said, “it depends on what the definition of it is.”
“They just keep getting away with it,” said Zimmerman. “It can be any number of things. But the important thing is, this non-guilty verdict should show that people, particularly black teenage assholes who always get away with it, should not be able to get away with it.”
What’s next for Zimmerman?
“I plan to write a book and then go on a speaking tour to speak out against it and how much people, particularly black teenage assholes, should not be getting away with it.”
The title is tentatively called “It is It and It’s Gotta Stop Especially if Black Teenage Assholes Who are Getting Away With It are Still Getting Away With It.”
As far as the nation is concerned, this verdict could have wide-ranging implications depending, of course, on what the definition of it is.
“Those implications could affect the outcome on cases going back 50 years,” said “Killer of People Doing It” historian, Dr. Lar G. Rection. “The Zimmerman case could exonerate James Earl Ray who killed Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for doing it,” he said. “And we all know those three civil rights workers in Mississippi in 1964 were doing it. Thus, it’s very possible the white, fat, redneck racists who killed them did so justifiably. Medger Evers was doing it and Emmett Till was doing it,” said Dr. Rection. “We can’t strictly say that the killers were Stand Your Ground heroes like Zimmerman because the Stand Your Ground law did not exist yet but if we re-examine the evidence we may find that all of the victims had Skittles and ice tea the night they died.”
When reminded that Skittles didn’t exist in the 60’s when all of those people were murdered, Dr. Rection said, “it has yet to be determined what the victims had and when they had it. And I have to add that murder is a very judgmental word.”
“We just need to go back and look at these cases and see if we can’t get to the bottom of it so we can find all of these killers not guilty,” he added.