The Land of Rand


“Okay children that’s it for tonight.  Time for bed.”

“Awww grandpa…..please!! Just tell us ONE MORE STORY!”

“Wellllll, ooookay…but just onnnne more…and then it’s off to bed.”

“YEAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

“Children….long, long ago…this great land of ours wasn’t so great.  And this great land of freedom that you all have grown up in was once ruled by a tyrannical man whose skin color was BLACK!!!”

Grandfather_telling_a_story_to_Grandchildren-iStock_000008456269XSmall-300x200

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Grandpa, I’m scared.”

“Ahh hahahahahahahaha. Nothing to be scared of little one.  You’re surrounded by white neighbors with more guns than they know what to do with.  And what do you think this is in my lap?  Why it’s an AK-47 and I keep it with me at allll times.  Why you two have Glock 9′ mm’s right there sitting next to  you.  Did you forget how to use em?!”

“Tee hee, no Grandpa,” the five and six year old said sheepishly.

“Hahahahahahaha.  Well then, let me continue with my story.  Our freedom was once ruled by a black devil, and….”

“But Grandpa, I thought our land of freedom had gotten rid of all the black and brown faces long, long ago.”

“Hahahahahaha!  Amber, of course we got rid of those a long time ago so don’t you fret.   I’m talking about many years ago when the people ran wild in the streets trying to take away our freedoms and the very guns that you have sitting next to you at this moment.  They tried to take away prayer and Jesus, and God and your right to eat Big Macs three times a day and drink all the Pepsi you want which, thankfully, thanks to the freedoms we enjoy today, you can drink right out of your faucet  instead of water that the black-faced man they called Obama, but who we now know as Lucifer, tried to make us drink.”

Lucifer

Lucifer

“Grandpa, what’s water?”

“Children, we don’t much talk about that these days….but it was a nasty liquid that the black face Muslim Lucifer tried to force upon us many years ago.  But our freedom fighters fought for our Pepsi and our donuts and our pizza and cheeseburgers and fries…..and, of course, our prayer. ”

“So a man with black skin actually existed Grandpa…and actually ruled our land?”

(((SHUDDER)))!! “Yes children….for it was an evil time when this man we call Lucifer tried to push us into health care that we can afford and better edumacation and better social programs and better food and all things we don’t believe in that are against freedom and God.”

“What’s health care and edumacation Grandpa?”

“Well you don’t have to worry about any of those things children cause God took care of all of that and he continues to take care of all of that.”

“Grandpa, what happened to the black faces?”

“Children, thanks to our history’s greatest freedom fighter, we were able to push them and all of the brown faces too right out of our new land and now they are all back to where they need to be away for us.”

“Where is that Grandpa?”

“The black faces are all imprisoned in a place called Alabamalandria far far away from here.  We don’t know WHAT they do there…and we don’t want to know.  And the brown faces are in another forbidden zone known as Texslyvania where legend has it that they, too, practice the evil and voodoo practices of health care and edumacation all in their master plan to try and take away yours and my many, many guns.”

“Now then children…that’s enough for tonight.  Time for bed.”

“But Grandpa….what about our late night snack?”

“Okay….here’s enough freedom tokens for each of you for just three Whoppers apiece now from the Burger King machine in the kitchen…and NO MORE, you understand! Otherwise you won’t have any appetite for your midnight snack of a bucket of KFC….and we can’t have that!”

“Hahahahahahahaha. Grandpa you’re so funny.”

“But before you go let’s all recite the Pledge to our founding father”:

(((“I pledge allegiance to the Gun of the United State of Rand….and to the Republic, in which Rand stands, one nation, under God, in morbid obesity and justice for all whites.”)))

Father of our country

Father of our country

kids-saying-pledge

Not a black face among them. Thank God !

“Now off to bed!.  Good night children.  Make sure to lock and load and sleep tight and white.”

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12 responses to “The Land of Rand

  1. Good one Dear Friend!

  2. Excellent….!! Thank you…

  3. I love it – keep up the good work!

  4. Sleep tight and white!!!!!!!!

  5. thatsitfortheotherwon

    Rand Paul. A face only a mutha could love.

    Welcome back man!

  6. loved it lock an load em lill ones so fucken true thanks for the laugh

  7. Good one, Southpaw!! Rand is truly a despicable human being. Of course, he’s just passing on (and elaborating on) the stories he heard at his daddy’s knee ……. Do you suppose he’s going to make a run in 2016?

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