The Pope says Fuck It….I’m Steppin’ Out !!


The Pope has put on his dancing shoes and is ready to get down and boogie.

Sick of all the sex scandals tearing apart his “Pope-ship,” Pope Benedict XVI startled everybody recently, especially Catholics, by saying, “Fuck it, who needs this shit?” and dumped the frumpy clothes, the stupid-ass fake name, (Benedict for god’s sake….who the fuck ever thought of that one?), and put on his best zoot suit and hit the party scene in the Big Apple before the ink was even dry on his resignation.

The former Pope ((flees)) Vatican City (note red Gucci dancing shoes)

“Life is short,” said the ex-Pope, who now calls himself “Joe Rat,” not to be confused with THE “Joe Rat,” aka Joey “Kneecap”  Santorielli of The Bronx, who was indicted last week for racketeering and multiple murder counts.  “I’m like, what…90?  Dude, there’s a town to paint and beaver to bang.”

“Midnight Plowboy”

But Mr. Pope…err, Joe?  You’re like fucking 90!?!?!   Beaver to bang?!?

“Nothing a double dose of Cialis won’t take care of,” added a confident Joe Rat. “I plan to start at clubs on the upper west side and work my way down until I’m downtown sweet Georgia Brown baby,” added the newly cocky ex-Pontiff.  “I’ve got stax of wax that haven’t been played in years including K.C. and the Sunshine Band, The Ohio Players, Confunkshun, The Bar-Kays, Lakeside, and a bunch of others.   Have you ever heard the Silver Convention?” asked “Joe Rat” of a clearly befuddled Southpaw reporter.  “Just feast your ears on this baby…..

Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Up, up to the sky

Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Up, up to the sky

Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Up, up to the sky

The Pope’s chicks….Silver Convention

“Fuck man…is that an eargasm or what?,” asked “Joe Rat,” who seemed genuinely lost in the 70’s.

“Joe Cool”

When reminded by Southpaw that much of the music he mentioned is not only lame, but antiquated and that most club disc jockeys wouldn’t even know what it is much less play it, the ebullient ex-Pontiff said, “I could give a shit man….I’ll just let my records take me to the river baby….and where ever I hang my hat, that’s my home.  Now move aside sonny…I got a gun in my pocket and it’s about ready to go off.”

Unfortunately for the ex-Pope, aka “Joe Rat,” his “steppin’ out” was short-lived as he was arrested just a few hours after checking into the No-Tell Motel on the upper west side for, you guessed it, soliciting prostitution…..of the male persuasion.  So much for “bangin’ beaver.”

I WANT TO PUT ON MY MY MY MY MY
BOOGIE SHOES
JUST TO BOOGIE WITH YOU, YEAH
I WANT TO PUT ON MY MY MY MY MY
BOOGIE SHOES JUST TO BOOGIE WITH YOU,UH HUH
I WANT TO IT IT ‘TIL THE SUN COMES UP
UH HUH, AND I WANT TO DO IT ‘TIL
I CAN’T GET ENOUGH, YEAH, YEAH
I WANT TO PUT ON MY MY MY MY MY
BOOGIE SHOES

The Pope plays with K.C. at recent NYC performance (the Pope is third from the left)

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25 responses to “The Pope says Fuck It….I’m Steppin’ Out !!

  1. Southpaw , what a great way to start out my day by reading on of your stories. You alway leave me wanting more! I thank you!
    Angie

  2. LOL keep it up brother, your post slay me 🙂

  3. Bitchin Camero

    LOVE IT! Another great song is “Lets Dance” David Bowie “Put on your red shoes and dance the blues”

  4. Hi South Paw Beagle! As an unashamed Disco fan in the 70s, and an 80s college student who loved playing New Wave on the college radio station, your post made me want to shake my groove thing with the Pope! My CD collection includes all the songs mentioned, and I still can’t get enough of Frankie Goes To Hollywood, ABC, Haircut 100, and all those bands. And don’t get me started on my love of hard rock and hair metal!

    • ABC’s Lexicon of Love was once called (by Dick Clark) the greatest dance record of all time. You have great taste Joan. In between radio station gigs, I worked discos in the late 70’s and got to know it all….Evelyn Champagne King, Foxey, Dan Hartman, Chic, NY City, you name it….

  5. Yes! And Bitchin Camaro, Stevie Ray Vaughan played lead guitar on Let’s Dance. When I used to play the 12-inch single on the radio I would air guitar all around the studio. I love all kinds of music, from the early 1900s to now.

    • thatsitfortheotherwon

      I actually knew Steve Vaughan when I was in my last couple of years of high school in Dallas. He played in a garage band across the street. He even played a Gibson SG I had at the time.

      In those days, everybody still though his big brother Jimmie Vaughan had all the talent. But not for long.

  6. Wow, that’s so cool, That’s It For The Other Won! I love Stevie Ray Vaughan’s playing and Jimmie was or is he still in and are the Fabulous Thunderbirds still active? I love their song “Tuff Enough”! I like the guitar that sings to the vocal when the singer sings the title. That is so catchy. We lost Stevie way too soon! RIP, Stevie Ray!

    • thatsitfortheotherwon

      Joanaroo,

      I don’t have any idea what Jimmy’s up to these days, but I tell ya, I left Texas as soon as I was able.

      There were a bunch of great blues players there when I lived there. My fave was Johnny Winter. Enjoyed the early ZZ Top, too. “Jezus just left Chicago, and he’s bound for New Orleans…”

  7. This is cool! Stevie Ray is gone too soon–way too soon!
    Thank you

  8. Hi All! That’s It For The Other One, it’s a shame that those with such twisted ideology are being allowed to ruin states for those who think and have a conscience, which I know you do =) I am interested in the undoctored history and artifacts of early Texas and what they want to do with textbooks and the kid’s minds scares the hell out of me! It’s a shame because I want to check out the recreational activities on a vacation sometime but that other stuff hurts the state.

  9. How the fuck do you come up with these things?
    Wonderful man wonderful!

  10. Shit, I’m crying I’m laughing so hard, LT. Gucci shoes indeed! They are. And so is the hat undoubtedly. Too bad he doesn’t have a nice “bag” to match.

    I missed this one in March, thanks for reposting. Hysterical!

    (Said the lapsed Catholic who’s more a disgusted former Catholic needing to repent her Vatican endorsed ways prior to age 18.)

  11. The Devil Wears Red Prada

  12. Bennie Ratz had a meeting with Elizabeth II.

    Each, as head of their respective churches, brought along assorted bishops and archbishops.

    Biggest gathering of old queens in one room since the last Log Cabin Republican convention

  13. I was actually baptized by a Cardinal (no, not Al Hrabosky), and I heartily endorse this post of yours!

    Yes, a Cardinal. So, I have a holy ass.

  14. Is it convenient to talk at the moment? Asian Childmodel Picthers
    afe

  15. thatsitfortheotherwon

    Hey Don, this is suddenly a very timely post again…

    Do you have ESP?

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